The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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