Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
