I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
