apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
