Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
