Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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