Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
