I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
