The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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