I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
