my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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