Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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