Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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