he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
