You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
