No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize