i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
