I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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