clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
