Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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