i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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