I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize