THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
