All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
