what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
