He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize