god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
