woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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