Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
