Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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