I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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