I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
