my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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