I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
