We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
