so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
