if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
sarcasm needs its own font
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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