we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
