i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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