Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
