so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
