Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
