my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
