They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
