you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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