oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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