Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
