he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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