highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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