i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
