He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
