captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize