just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
