What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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