i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
