just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
