i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
