What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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