Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
