can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
