I wanna passion pit in your ass
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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