I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
True strength comes from lack of pants
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
