There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
