Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
