ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
