so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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