Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
