my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I just googled if crying burns calories
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
