Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
