What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
