My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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