i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
