i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
