My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
