Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
