At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
