I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
