we're chasing vodka with high fives
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
