I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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