im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
