Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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