you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Randomize
