I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
