Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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