So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
