Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
