filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
