why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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