The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize