Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Pooping to opera.
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