I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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