dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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