She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
organizing the empties. That sober.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
