i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
