So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Is Oprah even human
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
