have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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